Monsoon
Diary Entry:
1st June, 06
Today the sky was cloudy the whole day. Everyone noticed it, but no one mentioned anything. But I could see the questions in their eyes. How are we all going to tackle it? The monsoon is back. It has to be.. it will come every year. Now what?
I thought I was ready for this. I had tried to picture monsoon last month. I had tried to prepare myself. But no, my struggle is still not over. Those memories come flooding back again. I can see it all as clearly as if it was yesterday. I can still remember her last day. “Neel dada” she called me. I knew this meant some work. Otherwise she never gave me so much respect. But was there any option? “Neel dada, pleaaaase pay my mobile bill today.” I imitated her voice and completed the sentence for her. She gave me her patent its-ur-duty-so-just do-it looks, followed by a sweet smile. I had long wondered how many guys must be going nuts over that smile. She really had a sweet smile. And mind you I am not saying this because she was my sister.
She had worn her favourite orange dress that day. I don’t know whether it was a co-incidence but I thought she looked almost like the Gulmohar petal that she was fond of. Her wildest fantasy was to be a Gulmohar petal and flow wherever the water leads her, carefree and light. It seems God heard her wish. I don’t know why He hears such wishes only. That orange dress helped identify her body later. The most frustrating part is that she loved that DAMNED, DARNED BLOODY RAIN which took her life.
It’s not possible for me to forget everything. Clearing the things from room does not clear memories. She was my twin sister. She came into this world with me. She was a part of my life for 20 years. She was not meant to leave me so soon. Her death was not natural. Then how can I expect myself to be calm when I see the rain? It is too much to ask. I am not heartless. I think its ok to be angry on monsoon. Its ok .. its ok…
